Now my mom was the other side of the coin. She maxed out her positive quota daily. Her goodwill and pleasant attitude never failed to ripple out. She would be the one throwing the starfish back out to sea...saving them one at a time. Mom thought that even though we had hard times some one else was suffering more, and we should be comforted by that. Well, sometimes I wanted my pity party to last more that 'a minute', and I resisted her 'cheering up'. "Feel what you feel" is my motto as long as you do not let it rule your days for too long.
My mom and I grew up together. She was my best friend until she reached her 70's. Her smoking habit finally put a choke hold on her health. She fought hard and outlasted her whole family of 4 brothers and two sisters.
We used to talk about everything, and she seemed enthusiastic about all my sharings whether they be trivial or tremendous.
In her last year or so, I became disheartened by her forgetfulness and felt less like her friend and more like her caregiver. Also I was disappointed in myself for feeling resentment toward the one person who had been my biggest fan and a calming counselor.
During most of her existence she felt that God blessed her and in turn she blessed every one else. I deeply regret that I could not offer the comfort and companionship that she needed in her last 4 years.
Since I am living in my mom's house while we try to sell it, I am finding a little peace as I walk around in her home. You see Mom is not really gone because she left her legacy of love and learning growing inside her family and all the friends she met along the way. It is so good to know that not only do I have God watching out for me and mine, but also Mom is our Heavenly guardian, too. How am I doing, Mom?
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